ADHD

never thought I have an adult ADHD before...
after all this time, isn't a bit late to realize this?

I don't know what level of ADHD I am or was .. 

but for sure the symptoms are there..

I knew that I'm different..
sometimes it became a problem but sometimes I can see it in a good way. I never knoe the term until last week during a conversation with someone.. (well last week I learned a lot about different things, but especially about God, some other people and me.. thanks K =D)

well...
isn't it good to know better about yourself?
for me it is coz life is always a self discovery journey as well

It's always good to know better about yourself at any stage of life and to maximize the potential hidden in it for a better good, for ourselves and for others...

and that's what I need to find out and do...

*ADHD = attention deficit hyperactive disorder

the road so far...

indeed the road so far has been very much unexpected
at one point I understand the big picture, yeah, and since then new (and good) things started to come into my life. It was great, but it doesn't mean that the road is gonna be easy...
from last week's sermon, I totally agree with what Pt. Dave had said that following God and being faithful to him does not necessary mean that we will receive good things as a sign of our obedience. Faithful means faithful. period. It does not come with anything else.

there are two major things in my life ahead. Both of them are still not clear and it's still hanging in the balance. but I'm not worried nor scared as long as I know that I'm walking with him. I just want to obey and be faithful to him, to continue the pilgrimage of trust on earth, and learn to love.

the road so far...
is about being grateful for whatever happens in my life..
knowing that in the end it will lead to the best..

break

people say the longer you stayed in one place the better you adapt..
Well I've been moving around from one place to other places many times in my life and I thought I am a person who can adapt well in different places...
but whenever I went to Jakarta to have my break and I have to return to Singapore, why is it always getting harder and harder? and why am I happy about that? =D

future

I am happy for I know who holds my future
I am happy for now my future is getting brighter
I am happy knowing that I'm in love...
I'm in love with LIFE

Happy Happy Happy...

birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday and its Inter College Games Day at the same time....
it is just nice that I'll be very busy..
When birthday is suppose to make you happy with what people might give or say to you, what I can think at this moment is..
How much can I give on my birthday?
Hope I can give my all for others....

I trust in you...

I trust in you...
A word with so much meaning...
But to me.. It's a word that I have been taught for the past 2 months, especially when I was in Manila for the Taize meeting. A dear friend of mine, Natalie keep saying to me "hey, this is a time of trust".
Probably she was joking (or serious, I'm not really sure :D) cause we were just making fun to each other.. But i guess she's right. The pilgrimage of trust is something I'm in and it's not just a slogan.. It's real. 


I've been living an unexpected life this year, and for what purpose? For me to enjoy and be happy? I guess it might.. But the true answer is actually something that I discovered today when i was in the plane. 
It is for me to learn to trust God just as the psalmist said, "I trust in You"...

My current life maybe hanging in the balance.. My future after I graduate, my relationships.. Everything is still unclear at the moment.. I guess it's just a way for God to teach me not to worry and say "I trust in you"...

I whispered these very words to a friend before I left Manila.. And now I whisper the same words to you in delight and gladness....


"All my times are in your hand, all events at your command"
                                                                       Rynald

another SMALL unexpected things...

C'mon.. be real.. this is LIFE...
what else can it gives us besides unexpected things? after all.. I'm in Singapore..
a country with less unexpected things.. hehe.. no offence...

but the title is still about the unexpected things at different level..
it can be BIG with different occasions like before..
but it can also be SMALL like this week....
somehow I find its hard to make certain decision this week..
so many things to think about, made me tired, especially when it's endless...
even a small thing can become HUGE, well, its on how view this small or huge anyway..
but again, today he saves my ass again.. my hero, as always..
whenever I'm in trouble, he always come to my rescue..
as my friend says "yet again God saves my ass"
and indeed he does, everytime...

expect the unexpected

I don't know what is going on this year!!
there has been many unexpected things in my life in just 2 months time...
even from the early days of the new year..
it's either me becoming so random or it is just life..
I'm not sure... but so far I enjoyed it... it brings spirit into my life back..
and I wouldn't be surprised either if more unexpected thing happens to me in the future..
so just expect the unexpected..

you are never alone

Our place is within community...
We reshape community, we strengthen hearts and refresh minds
But this only can happen through God's initiative and love to have communion with us. God himself came to us and bond us with his love, and by his grace unite his people in one accord through prayers, melodies, and sharing.

Taize is not just about friendship or prayer, its about community.. 
We might not know everyone in the community, but we certainly are not alone, and it feels good knowing that we're not alone in this journey, in this pilgrimage of life.. Whether we're Looking for purpose and meaning in life, or seeking God the almighty.. Whether we're lost, discouraged, frustrated, lonely or even when we can't focus in prayer, we're not alone. on the contrary, when we're happy and in joy we too know that we are never alone..

I believed that many people after the meeting realized that our world is getting bigger yet smaller at the same time. Bigger, having met and known new people in our lives and smaller for we now know that wherever we go we now have friends in those countries. knowing this gives us comfort, encouragement and even blessings...yes, we are not alone anymore..

Such community is the community of God. A community  where people encourage each other, support, pray and share, just in acts 2:41-47. Isn't such a relief knowing that In this more and more individualistic world, we're not alone..

Off course not everyone realize this, as we might not always realize how the Holy Spirit works in us as well... We only know that we are continuing this pilgrimage.. The Spirit is not over although the meeting is over, for the Spirit is in us, workin in us and through us. Realizing this certainly will give something different in our life. It gives us meaning. A meaning of our life in this world, meaning of what we are doing, and meaning of what God has done in our life. Having meaning in life gives us power, energy, excitement, optimism, and purpose to walk one step further in our life with God in doing his will, to share his love and peace in every possible ways... yet, such a great power knowing that we're doing this with others for we are not alone...

at the end of the day

I had a great day today, and swimming just add my day ..
I'm happy.. as I always normally..
and at the end of the day I can only say..
thank you...

never say goodbye

what Taize taught my faith was: there will never be goodbyes, it's just a temporary farewell..
for we will always meet again... someday, somehow...

FIVE days, FIFTY different countries, FIVE thousand young people, ONE trust

as my friend nicely puts it..
"FIVE days, FIFTY different countries, FIVE thousand young (and not so young =P) people, ONE trust"...
it was what we experienced in Makati, Manila, Philippines last week...
Maybe I went too far (I'm not so sure about that either, but I was totally random -_-) but I can recall the Taize spirit bringing us into a ONE big family,... a family of Christ.

being there in the community reminds me of what I've experienced in Taize last year, and it was great. The Philippinos were really hospitable, friendly and kind, including our foster brother James and the LaSalle students..The atmosphere was amazing, peaceful and filled with joy as new friendship starts to flourish.
I met old friends from Taize. Jeff, Hyo Seok, Natalie, Janice, Amanda, Smiling, Chang Jun, Agnes, Mickey and many more, not to mention knowing more ex permanents there..
another unforgettable experience, truly a community, close and knit together by the love of Christ.

As the prayers are sung, melodies dance into each heart and bring peace to the soul.
"The Lord is my shepherd, he refreshes me to the fullest" - "Ang Panginoon ang aking pastol, pinagiginahawa akong lubos".. reminds us to whom we put our trust to, and therefore to trust others...
to share life and love in peace... as what the Lord has given us through his simplicity to renew our faith and trust. "Bless the Lord my soul, who leads me into life"...

The air was warm and dry, but the melodies bring peace and love...
another hope for mankind, a new hope for a united world in peace...

wish...

I wish I could hold you in my arms again like it was before...
being together without words to speak.. only silence in the night...
holding hands and look into each other's eyes and smile...
witnessing beauty from above, as songs were sung in the air...
enjoying moments as there will be no tomorrow...
no words ...
just silence...
and a small miracle...


I wish there could be another small miracle...
if only I can wish such a thing...

relationships...

we can walk together without knowing each other...
we can hug or hold each other hands without knowing what is in our hearts...
we may have a total stranger besides us everyday without us knowing that...
what kind of relationship are we having now?

this year, only one month and two weeks gone, but there had been relationship crisis around my life..
in fact, these are my good and close friends...
I just can"t believe its happening at the same time around...
I can only pray for you friends and loved ones..
hoping the best still works in you..
and your heart can see the pure side of love...

just as seasons change, relationships bloom and fall...
hearts broken and torn down, leaving marks and holes as love grows and flourish..
at a time, we experience the downfall, and at the other time, hope floats as love starts to grow..
facts of life .. it is the wonders of life...

pray...

prayer DO make a difference...
thanks for the peace ...

Choices In Life

Any change, any loss, dos not make us victims.
Others can shake you, surprise you or disappoint you.
But they can't prevent you from moving on.

No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation,
you can always do something.

On every turn of life, you will always have a choice.
And that choice can be your power.

so far away

you're so far away...
you'd never say goodbye
and I keep on asking why...

....

I'm not happy right now...
I can't even remember what had happened ...
everything just went so fast..
can't hardly think...
jheezz...

something better

When something happens to you - Good or Bad;
Consider what it means....
There's a purpose to life's events.
to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.
When you feel down because you didn't get what you want,
just sit tight and be happy.
God has thought of something better to give you

Irony

Finally, my grades are out...
had to wait several days since there was something wrong with the computing system...
and what an irony..
last semester was my laziest semester.
I didn't care much for my studies nor assignments..
not even for the deadline due date..

but yet, my grades last semester was the best compared to the previous semesters..
I should be very happy, shouldn't I? well yes off course I do
but ironically I feel that I don't deserve it at all..

I'm thinking of my friends who tried their best, study day and night, struggling to understand whatever they read.. ironic isn't?
Yes, grades is definitely not everything and I believe they have achieved something better than me actually...
Yes I also do have learned from last semester's course..

Then I began to questioned the system..
How grades can be something that people only seek...
I can reach the maximum score yet knowing nothing ...
Ironic

I never believe in grades...
for I have witness what it have shown...
Ironic..

a leap of time...

Two days ago I felt like it was yesterday

yesterday I felt like it was today

today I feel like it is tomorrow

A leap of time in my head?

weird.. weird weekend..

ready?

it's almost time to prepare for another travel...
a heart that set out to be free....
a new adventure awaits in a few weeks..
a new world about to explore...

pack my gear and ready to go...
but why my heart isn't?

well, I'm sure I will be ready in no time

kite

fly fly fly..

fly to where the wind blows...

it was fun to try to make it fly..

but damn hard when there's no wind at all...

beer

I need a can of beer to help me sleep these days...

"the" secret

finally, the secret is out in the open, at least in the family....
for all these years I've tried to hide it.. and indeed it was well hidden...
but now its out in the open...

i guess when I see the bigger picture, sometimes things do look different.
knowing that other people know and letting your defences down does not neccessarily mean that you're weak and vulnerable...
sure it will trouble my ego, but I guess opening "the" secret helps to save my heart from rotting and in fact set it free...and for the better of it, maybe it's worth for every part of it...
letting my fear out means there are some risks that I have to take..
conflict, judgement, pain and other nonsense I might suffer from this...
but at least I know that I'm not all alone....
and I know that I'm working for the better of it..

a lot like love

today we discussed psalm 103 in class.
the main point focused on God's love and compassion...
as the discussion moves further we stumble on the condition of his love. he knows us inside out, remembering of who we are, which are made of mud, worthless...
we are like wild flowers that spring and blossom, but snuffs out quickly by a storm...
we are nothing, but his love for us remains forever

can people love out of nothingness?
well, we have the good side and the bad..
while it's easy to love the good side, most people would love less when they discovered the bad ...
it can easily snuffs the love we have ...
it can be the nothingness...

as much as I have that kinda love itself, I've learned things I never discovered before.
real love is hard and tough, and I have always struggle with it..
but it does not ease out easily like the storm snuffs the blossom wild flowers...
no matter how bad things are...

I'm no expert in love.. I'm just someone being caught in the middle of it..
will my love remain forever? I don't know.. I only know one thing...

half my life I've learned that love and I still am..
half my life I've loved you and I still do...

purpose

i found this worth posting... for sure..
live for a purpose..

half

I just wrote half than what I've wrote last year in one day.. 'what happened to me last year anyway?

scars

I look at the scars on Bruce Wayne's back on the right picture...

and I look on my scars..

did I just heal an old one?
or did I just add a new one?

traffic light...

my friend asked me about the traffic light..

is it red, yellow, or green?

I said I don't know, the light is off... it must've been broken

So I went to check the traffic light

it's still off.. still not showing any colour...

and it's becoz I didn't even try to fix it

for I know it doesn't do any good trying to fix it now...

random?

me, being random.. yeah, that's so not me,..

but I did it.. and it was good, or at least i felt good about it..

I know what I want this time and nothing can stop it...not even my own mind..

I just don't know how to get it, unfortunately..

but this being random thingy was quite interesting

had new experiences, though I totally lost control of certain things..

but the main point was there.. achieved, yet still not secured...

i just hide it between the words..

more...

more hectic....

and you just dunno how problems come to you... 

thank you

forever its just a thank you....

whenever you run...

wherever you go...

whatever you do...

thank you..

thank you..

thank you

hectic

Hectic!

I'm damn hectic!

feels like walking in a circle..

nowhere to go, nowhere to move...

God I miss you so... 

paint

every touch of a brush marks a difference 

every color creates different meaning

and every stroke gives a different depth

swipe your brush here and there... 

use any colors you want

you are the painter..

it is a painter who paint the picture

not the picture painting the painter..

so paint, painter...

Where it will lead life to

What would you do when you need to define your life?
How would you answer the question to the reasons of your current life?
What if you think you have the answer all along, but yet you're never sure about that answer?
That's why I needed to see you.
Although I don't really know what to ask or say, I just know I needed to see you to understand what or who shaped my heart


Now I understand that you still live inside it, and very much alive
How I wonder when will it last.. only to know that it may never disappear
Although I know that we have a different world and are set apart
but somehow the feeling never stops, though I wish not to hope anything out of it.
Words cannot describe my thoughts and feeling towards it..
Frankly speaking, it is one thing that kept me alive and moving on.. hm...moving on?
Well, according to your story, I might not be the only one who feel this way
but this is me... my life.. before, now and probably then...
no denial anymore, no refusal anymore..
But shall I pursue it or just live with it?
I don't know.. I wish I know.. really


my world is divided between logic and desire..
logically I do not wish for it but my heart is longing for it...
funny how it contradict itself
how can I live with such contradiction?
I do not know.
I do not deny it, I do not refuse it
am I okay? well I am
am I happy? most of the time, yes..
I'm not living in pain for sure...


Yes, this is about my life.. but it is all about you too
It's always been about you.
Do I ask anything from you?
I don't even know the answer to that
I'm just too busy thinkin' of my self...
and dreamin' about you...

CNY eve

today I enjoyed preaching the word..
we did a bible study from the story of the wedding in Cana
only 24 of us.. quite good though
afterward I had lunch with Yosua
bought some T-shirt and give them to uncle Jeff and the security guy at campus..
I feel so good about it..
it's always the spirit of sharing God's blessing...
although I'm not celebrating Chinese New Year...
after all.. I'm just a fake one
hehehehe...

turtle.inc

a new future in the new year

definitely, maybe

ah.. old story...
maybe, definitely... definitely, maybe...

Infinite Frameworks

today I visited Infinite Frameworks..
met with lots of animators there..
gossh... reminded me of my ol' days at college
living up a dream to be an animator
well.. the visit sparks my imagination..
of the world I left behind....

the manager even offered me to join in,
off course it needs a portofolio which I can only laugh upon
but still...
my youth blood was boiling up again..

darker than the nite

the title says it all!
this movie has come to the audience bearing the cape crusader's ego as a hero and turn it into a contemporary dark movies, unlike any super hero movies before. Nolan has turn the image of the Bat and reveal the true face of Batman to the audience. Anger and frustration yet bound by the morality of his cape brings the movie into life.. I needed time to digest everything into my mind becoz when I enter the theater i was hoping for a more 'superhero' movie.. but instead I was given a cruel unforgiving incredibly astounding drama of a battle between hope and desperation. this is a real super hero movie.. this is truly the one that reveals batman when he said " I'm not a super hero".

Although the story amazed me, I didn't see Gotham in the movie. Where is this famous city filled with fear and crime?? it suddenly disappeared!! It was just like another American big city. And just to add, most of the gadgets are a bit disappointing,-even the costume and the pod bike- but I must say that the acting was first class, especially the joker. Ledger gave his best in his last performance. The Joker was not a joke anymore..I even thought that this is more like a Joker movie rather than the bat itself. too bad the ending was not what I hoped for.. I believe Nolan can make a better and more thrilling third installment of the movie if he just let Harvey continue what he had become and build a totally brand new image of him in the third movie. although the thrill was superb, in my opinion the climax was never there. much action or fight needed to close such a wonderful drama. And as for Ledger, an Oscar is for you to bring home! thanks for your performance. it really live-up the tension. Needles to say, i hope the third installment will accommodate both the action saga and drama as we move to a darker world of the dark knight! Geniuss !!

the good inside people

the goodness inside people are like diamonds...

it can be very beautiful..

but when it is still like a rock..

we might only see it as ugly and worthless...

see the inside of people, not what is outside

yea, we need time and effort to do so..

but in the end you'll find a beautiful diamond inside it...

after all

after all this time...
a time when i left to start a new journey to seek God and with God...
after 5 months of new life...

i think i found another new life...

after all..

thursday morning ...
the rain pour down heavily..
black clouds are hangin in the air
preventing the sun to shine...

the feeling i have this morning was the same as the weather...
tommorow i'll be gone...
i'm scared...
i'm so sad....

Jakarta Culinary Walk

The jakarta culinary walk....
The loong anticipated venue was delayed.. and for us, cancelled..
quite dissapointed, but nothing to be bothered laah..
another wonder..another unexpected thing...
but i realize it didn't stop me from ejoying life..
coz in front of me lies more options, waiting for me to grab
bandung culinary walk, or bible study with the LGers, or a family reunion at pulaw putri...
we'll see what will come up next...

Life Group = Living Group??

it is this week our Life Group turned into a Living Group
sunday we met @ Surya Utama
yesterday we met again to watch spiderman 3 @ TA
today we're gonna have a life group meeting @ robert's..
tomorrow we're gonna split up.. yola will have a meeting, i will lead a youth fellowhsip @ kedoya, and the rest of the gang will be having a bible study @ GKY Mangga besar.
afterwards we'll gonna round up for dinner somewhere (why is it always about food?) & probably spend the nite @ robert's..
saturday we'll also meet for the second day of bible study..
and the fact is.. i enjoyed it..

life group macam apa ini??
wekekekek....

monday nite Booo...link

played bowlink with sam n the uph'ers..
cathie, kalenk, nia, ariel, ucoks, san san, teteh, n jessica
we splitted into 2 lines, each lines with 5 bowlers..
ariel, kalenk and nia are good...
it'll make a great competitions.. next time that is hehe

its fun.. great nite, though i didn't win the game =)
hahaha.. its a wonderful experience...
ow yea.. forget to mention.. i slipped a few times hehe
slippery when not wet =D

before, the plan was to eat at konro karebosi..
sam n i missed the dinner coz the traffic was so high....
i didn't want to have dinner actually, so at first i think i didn't miss a thing
but as i said to a friend, i realize that i missed the atmosphere, the 'fourplay'


afterwards,..
we went to WGP to eat ropita
i was amazed with jessica's 'power' to eat. she didn't stop at all!!
huwaaa... she should join an eating contest..hehehe..
wel, the nite rise up and the moon was high..
a nite for yet another unexpected things...
another nite to wonder


i'm sniffing sumthin different..
what was on your mind cath?? haeaheahaha....
its like you're not concentrating on the bowling alley
and dont tell me its becoz you're hungry
i guess i sniff dat u sniff =D
thanks for askin us to join eniwei...

a week full of wonder

week 18

Monday
the feeling left from PYPL Kajadu still existed. the enthusiasm, the joy, and all tiredness comes together ... but most of all, i'm damn tired!
I didn't do anything in particular, just tryin' to rest my mind.. (and body as well)..
but the day was filled with happiness.
one of my friend was inaugurated as a pastor.
she is one of my partner in Life Group team, and she is a very damn good pastor...(one of my favorite pastors) hehehe.. wel I hope she will always be herself, not developed to be what her congregations wants.. to keep believing in her idealism and be blessings for people around her..
my best wishes for her in pursuing the will of God.. go for it Girl!

Tuesday
Life Group Meeting day.
Jeje was leading the meeting, and it went well.. we progress quite a bit and show improvement which we really needed.. as usual the meeting went till midnite ... benita joined in the team.. a good atmosphere we had. I hope the team and the materials will continue to develop from day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year. This is something really big what we're doin. I hope everybody realize it as well... all glory to you Lord

late at nite there was not many words..
just VIVA LIVERPOOL!!
a fantastic moment it was in a marvelous breath taking game, a high tension game which made me even hard to breathe and watch the game. but again, the lads perfectly beaten chelsea in a penalty kick drama which made them thru to the finals!! Awesomee dudee!!
Athens!! he're we come, we'll win it 6 times!!
YOU"LL NEVER WALK ALONE....

Wednesday
wel, not much.. just a milan game which they won superbly against manchester united
but it did make me smile that day... hehehehe.. no offense MU guys =D

Thursday
Alice's concert. the nite's theme was Simply Vivaldi.
This time she leads in a solo performance.. and its good (wel, i never know when there's a mistake or two.. so for me it was great hehe) great performance lizzie!
listening to this kind of concert just brings you to enjoy yourself..
especially when you hear and see a live performance harp.. wel, it bring old memory when i was still in bangkok and Ms. Jansen played the harp beautifully, though i didn't remember anything about the vibe..
it was an interesting nite.. i went with obet and we both enjoyed it. had a long chat at his apartment till midnite where i spend the nite.

Friday
i surveyed around Surya Utama for the 'amazing race' life group. I had everything i need and we'll be ready for the day. packed up and ready to go!

Saturday
the Jesus Dynasty seminar revealed the explanation needed...period.
met Yola with her new haircut... and some new gossips arise .. wel, its life man....just enjoy it eh.. =D
in the evening i lead gunsa teens fellowship. it took 3 hours but it was great, i believe the kids get something from the lord.. you're just great lord.. awesome dudee!!...
afterwards cathie, sam n i circle around and bumped ourselves to tamani cafe.. been a loooong time since the last time i ate there.. after dinner and some theory chat..hehe we went to ragusa.. the old fashined ice cream.. to bad it was about to close.. but we had the nite already, and its time to sleep.. zzz....

Sunday
Life Group Time!! and its amazing race episode!
can't say much.. but it was awesomee!! it went well and everybody was happy.. including the four of us.. obet, jeje, sam n me.. we learned a lot from it as well and i see sam was getting along very nicely here, and he enjoyed it very much.. good for you bro! and again.. glory to the man most high! after life group we went for sushi with yola.. the 5 of us...
had a good time and the next route was to yola's house.. we talked about 2 hours there
and we end the day with whatever we may think and feel..
but for me.. i'm definitely getting FATTER this week!
and you call that diet?? hauhauhaa....

but everything was a wonder.. its great and fulfilling..
just a simple thanks to you...

failure

turning point

for everything there had to be a turning point...
a time when you can resolve things...
a decision to turn your life into a brighter day or a darker night
well maybe you don't understand any of it for a while
but when you make that decision, you realize...
it was somethin had to be done...
sometimes it can sound foolish, or maybe even crazy
sometimes it can also sound wise and mature
how ever it sounds.. you make the decision

and sometimes it need to take you to a place you'd never expect
make you stumble, dizzle, confused, burdened, and distracted
just to take you back to realize
it was the turning point
to resolve..
to make peace again with nature and life
another chapter had been closed, another chapter awaits..

when ...

when there's a sudden change...
one must question what had happen? there might be 3 reasons..
a) a sudden busy life, b) a wind of change, or c) a mistake by ones man.
and in order to restore this madness, should this man bow down to his knees for forgivemess that he might not know? or just wait till things eventually came back to where it belong,..
what should a man do?
one may wonder....

behold..

STONeS

The wOrld will proVide you with sToneS everyday...
What you build out of it, itS your Choice.

Wall, Road or a Bridge...
you may even choose to build noThing

at the end,
the world will know you by what you did with it..

Freeky Freely Thinking

UPH lagee...
been a year since i that moment...
a great moment it was.. i still remembered everyone of them. Now we met in a tottaly different situation and in a different position as well. Many didn't know, i came not as a consultant or a profesional... but as a friend, and it put me in a better place to do what i can, to say what i should and to think freeky freely...
it took me in a whole lot better view to see everything actually... -the comittee and the participants as well- and to give inputs on everything.. but well, it turns out that it wasn't that easy

the event was great,.. the commitment from the comittee are astounding, they did everything they could.. they even barely sleep! the communications are a bit nasty though and the atmosphere was not so good, but they did it! and that's what count, wel, besides all the lesson they could learn

the participants.. well i guess they've stayed to loong in their comfort zone.. it made them a bit afraid to take risks and get out from it.. its so obvious though, with the environment they lived in and all other things surrounds them, What can i say? but fandy had it in one word.. "think deeper" ... cool words from the new senat chief!

I see the future of our generation sinking bit by bit...
if we don't rescue it, our genaration will fall down...
new perspective i learned, and definitely a new chance given by the almighty to take part in this world.. sounds like an old theme eh?
but hope is there, floating.. just had to work damn hard for it

in this place, for myself.. i learned about believing, surrendering, trust and being a leader itself.. and once again, i met our dear lord.. just in a glance, but enough to realize that He's always there....

on Counting...

april will be the moment..

tick..tock...tick... tock...

Future

'we don't care where you have been, we care where you are going'
No matter what happened in d past doesn't matter anymore.
What you plan & hope does matter..
dat's why, You r never alone

Turbulence

There are such turbulence in my brain circuit.. this thing i've had in my life for years. Such disturbance from time to time.. Over & over again, i've been troubled with these which can be soothing or annoying. Most of d times its annoying though.. No reasons, no answers. No explanation to this at all.. When will it stop? when will it end?
Only heaven knows..

reflect..

one of the sign about growth and maturity is the ability to reflect ones life to see the unseen
and to see beyond what is seen...

BAN...JRIIIT

jakarta banjrit seminggu belakangan ini..
lucu juga sih... separo separo
gue jadi bisa liat orang orang tuh seperti apa
yang kaya sampe yang miskin, kadang gak ada bedanya
semuanya bukan ditentuin soal duit...
jah... kelakuan sama aja, gak ada beda
pemerintah ma rakyat tuding tudingan..
emang cirinya bangsa kita ya gini ini

menarik liat semuanya on location
ikut bantu jadi relawan di posko kaput
naek truk, drop makanan n evakuasi yg mo ngungsi ke gading
sampe tengah malem, 2 hari berturut turut...
sambil doa banjirnya surut n kering
sementara langit item n mendung terus...
tapi pas lagi evakuasi sih puaanaas mpe kebakar kulit

seru, cape n yang pasti bisa bersyukur juga dapet pengalaman seperti ini
bisa liat orang orang juga.. ketemu anak anak di jalan
ketemu anak anak K5 yang ikut bantuin.. bangga ma mereka yang pasti
gak cuma ngabur n ngungsi atau ngeluh, tapi langsung turun bantuin
thats what i call leaders!

eastSIDEstory

the air smell so sweet...
there's a coffee shop, sometimes i like to buy a cup
there's a bus waiting every time to get aboard
wel, wouldn't it be a story?

its just another east side story
where everyone had a tail to tell
like hundreds people before me
there's something you hold on to, and something you let go
people say someone who really can't have is the one you really want most
think about it sometimes, whether its real or not
but whatever it is...
life goes on the same...
its just like an east side story

live and let die

when you live,.. i guess you don't die
but for some people, living is dying
when you saw dead people.. would you say its a life?
we'll never know how life and death separates us
just be thankful that we're alive...
live and let die

One Moment in Time

each day i live, i wanna be a day to give the best of me
i'm only one but not alone
my finest day is yet unknown...

i broke my heart for every gain
to taste the sweet, i face the pain
i rise and fall
this much remains

i want one moment in time
when i'm more than i thought i could be
when all of my dreams are far beat away
the answers are all up to me
give me one moment in time
when i'm racing with destiny
then in that one moment in time
i will feel eternity.. i will be free!

i lived to be the very best
i want it all, no time for less
i've laid a plan now lay the chance
here in my hands.......

i want one moment in time...

Anirah's Cross

Anirah is my grandma
she was a prefect grandma to all of us...
a kind and loving person, not to mention how humble she was...
i never saw her get mad or yelled at people....
even when grand pa yelled or scolded her....
not even ONCE!

She's already been gone for 5 years
but her memory lived inside all her sons and daugther, grand sons and grand daughter.. a remarkable grannie which you can't find anywhere in this world.
before she passed away, she requested her last wish,
and its to give all her grand sons and grand daughter a golden cross carved with her name and grandpa's name on it...

and a week ago at the tirta's family gathering... everyone of us received that golden cross..
just a simple and tiny cross but makes me how wonderful she was..
and we all give thanks to her...

i love you grandma, we all love you
even after you're gone.. or eventhough we didn't visit you much
but you know how much we all loved you..
you're the best grandma we eved had...
and your name will always be carved in our hearts

BIG Tirta's family gatHerinG!

29 - 31 DECEMBER 2006
Serenity Villa, Lembank

its the BIGvenue for tirta's family
after a lot of hope during the past years, we finnaly gathered again at villa serenity, lembank
everyone gather round except b-benk, oci, ecu and the usual one.. the one and only ngkim nela..
sasa and kenneth was brought on the first day, just not enough to blend in but at least they showed up...

being one as a family is something you just don't find everyday lately..
it makes us remember all the good ol' days when we can still shared the POC excitment, one of the most remarkable venue in tirta's family tree

Time flies by and things changed .. from year to year, decade to decade
new familes created, new babies born and new members coming
but the family never changed.. tons of laughter gloomed in every corner of the place
everytime we gather, there's big sounds of happiness, yet sentimental and emotional
people counting more family members to come
its just wonderful to be in such condition

now we have the updated and most complete database, lots of new planning for the future ahead such calendar, t shirt, next gathering schedule, training programs and lots of excitement, spirit and dreams to come

follow ups coming up.. hope floats for a better big family

ShaZaM!!

ShaZaam!!!
i'm back on where i should've been...
after more than a month, finally i'm back on writings...

some new things had happened along the way.. the best moments and the bad as as well..
let this also be my news letter

in october tons of burdens, fun, anger, hope enthusiasm spin on and off, mix at the push your personal limit camp! it's always been like this every year
one of the most incredible moments i've ever run into...
my favourite camp from years to years

new excitement, new challenges, new atmosphere and definitely an improvement program. we have new programs, new printed workbook (yippiee!!), new teams and many more..
unfortunately not all the facilitators understood every meaning of it since they're new, but its good for them cause they also learn a lot from the program...

always in and out.. a balance i should say?
naa.. better next year, which i believe i'm gonna miss... a lot
i get to see the originality of the kids, the team and the development that had take place..
awesome!

new atmosphere @ school, the way they changed, some good and some others didn't. but that's how things went when you give all of it to all kids without any chance to select them.
after 4 waves of PYPL, my body began to exhaust.. but not the enthusiasm.. and thats what generates the energy level in my body, waive and massive,.....coz live in awaits!
the most exciting moment for me... a loong waited program since the kids are the ones i knew for more than 2 years. I've waited this chance a loong time, as some kids asked me whether i'm joining in or not.. its been up and down since theres no certainty whether i'm allowed to go or not.. few days before D day, i've finally granted the permission to go! i can't believe in goin live in again after years... since high school man! 14 years ago!! whoo haa!!

LIve IN
i know NOTHING before i go! nothing at all, and as know myself, it annoys me.. so i began searching here and there for information, not the best there is but at least i had a picture about it, alhough it was not a blue print of the event
i was placed at cuntel village, and as the guys said ngaduman was always better than cuntel, i told myself, "than lets have fun and make it good no matter what happens", and frankly .. thats what happened for almost everyone at cuntel village.
the village is located up to the south hill of salatiga city, around one hour from the city. about 134 families lived there, most of them earn their living by farming. it was cold up specially after the sun sets down around 6 o'clock
the situation when we were there are so pity, no rain in 7 month, and they can't farm.. barely no plants survived.. but they survived in hope.. cool aren' t they?
2 waves from physics and social class, both of them rocks in their own way..
lots of dynamic rythm.. mm.. the food was awesome! can't forget about it..

back @ home, a week after Live In i had an accident. and i broke my leg!
a first time experience ever, and somewhat it didn't terified me much, ah i guess my kinda mistake not taking it seriously... i can't move my feet much and i can't go anywhere for a month.
feeling lazy most of the time as i had not many things to do afterall..
and one day i discovered that i don't have anything to do.. and it scares me!! =D
nothing much happened besides my healing process..

uhm.. i broke up with inge after months of uncertainty. don't feel much about it and again made my friends wonder of the feeling i had.. this guy just broke up but he loooks fine... and i'm fine indeed...
so, a singular beacon has been led again...
everything until desember, SHAZAM!!

A SURE WAY TO A HAPPY DAY

Happiness is something we create in our mind
It’s not something you search for and so seldom find
It’s just waking up and beginning the day
By counting our blessings and kneeling to pray

It’s giving up thoughts that breed discontent and
accepting what comes as a gift heaven sent
It’s giving up wishing for things we have not
and making the best of whatever we’ve got
It’s knowing that life is determined for us,
And pursuing our tasks without fret, fume or fuss

For it’s by completing what GOD gives us to do
That we find real contentment and happiness too

FREEZING TARUTUNG! - day four

Day 4
Wake up, bread & breakfast, siap2 melalui jln yg panjang ke tarutung.. (tararutung - pada gosong, klo kt org sunda hehehe)..4 hours trip. Stopped by di Siborrong Borrong (knp ya di tanah bataq ini bnyk si-nya?) mkn a different style of piggy.. Piggy all d way niih!! Fatso me.
Jalan ke salib kasih, the cross of love. Daerah wisata rohani di tarutung.. It is a hill of forests, & on top of it (wel, almost top sih) there's a big cross. A VERY big one! Huge & enormous! tp kudu jln kaki naek ke atas bukit dulu, lumayan tinggi & jauh.. Ada rumah2 doa & ada tmp ibadah outdoor gt.. Bagus juga.. Tp sekali lg pemandangan Tarutung itu bener2 TOB! Sebuah kota dikelilingi bukit2,. Kyk di lembah gt... Cold & freezing, yet marvelous! Ketemuan ma John & Tiar temennya yosi, seneng bgt mrk, kawan karib dr kampus.. Trus ke rumahnya john yg sgt sederhana.. A small wooden house in the hill.. Just like in country movies, but NOT a cowboy movie :p. Sometimes I wonder how would it be if I live there..
I ride john's bike to his house from the love cross.. Freezing!!..it was really freezing!! I'm a short-pants rider in the wild freezing air

Kita cabut ke siantar jam 5 sore, 5-6 hours trip.. Beli ombus2 di jln pulang, smsan ma tmn br yg mo ujian (wiiihiiw asiknya biqn sirq org hehehe :D) & janjian doa brg anaq2 Life Group. Nyampe di siantar, jlnnya gedee, kyk jln sudirman di bandung.. Cuacanya jg ok, dingin sepoi2 gitu, small city, n guess what.. Bersiih boow!! Cm balikpapan yg bs nandingin bersihnya siantar. Lgsglaah kita CARI DUREEN! Hehehe.. to b fair, agaq2 mengecewakan sih durennya,sedikit, secuil mungil ukurannya but who cares! This is duren man!!
Sikatlah yg bs diembat hehehe :p (da kyk org Batax gw ya hehehe) & bersyukurlah kami padaNya, asli batak kali aku inilah! Bah :D

Nyampe wisma yg kasurnya kyk papan (untung da biasa hehehe) lngsung bless..
& rebutan colokan dulu sebelumnya whihi..

32 YEARS OF MARRIAGE - day three

22.15 PM
this is d day dat we want to celebrate.. We hugged each other & we prayed together. Da gt keluar nikmatin the morning view.. Wuuaa.. Kereen bgt Boow! Indah d... Klo stay disini bbrp hr buat istirahat jg okay.. pemandangannya bagus bgt, palagi klo da matahari..coz selama disini blon ketemu matahari.... Hehe langsunglaah foto2, capturing the moment & scenery..the lake is Very beautiful, the hills are georgeous, standing tall & firm, yet lovely.. Everywhere you look, there are hills & water..

makam raja sidabutar di tomok jadi inceran berikut. tmptnya c bener2 ga ada yg bisa diliyat. Daerah ini gak bisa jual apa2... Cuma numpang alam aja, what a waste!
da diceritain latar blkngnya, kita liyat rumah tradisionalnya batak ampe ke dlm2 rumahnya.. Ini doang yg worth disitu. Eeh, da gitu ujan turun dgn hepinya, mungkin da tau kita gaq ada yg bawa payung hehehe ya ujan ujananlaaa kita ngejar jam brkt feri. Untung deket bgt dr situ.

So,@ ferry i began to sigh.. Thinking that i would miss a lot of beauty.. I saw the clouds & the rain covering everything in front of my eyes..

Awan nutupin pemandangan yg indah, mataharipun enggan menampakkan wajahnya, the clouds covering a beautiful landscape seakan akan bilang sama matahari "kali ini gw giliran gw yg show off". Well, klo mo jujur sih, dikasi awan mendung gt juga ttp bagus koq..awan awan yg nutupin sebagian gunung & pemandangan parapat yg diselimuti awan juga bagus bgt, kecuali buat camera. jd emg giliran awan yg show off.. Tp Di kejauhan matahari udah ngintip..

Beautiful will always be beautiful, no matter what may come.. The show off is over, dan walopun matahari gaq nongol (dan seharian itu gaq nongol seharian), I can see all d view. It's still magnificent! I climb up the ferry's ladder to see the view.. Never want to go down.. I can see all around in d middle of d boat without blinking.. God is soo awsome! All this beauty He created didn't miss a spot!

We docked @ parapat n we’ll, not much to tell.. Not much to see.. cuma batu gantung yg trnyta cuma gt aja.. Tetep pemandangannya yg tiada tara.. Liat monyet monyet cilik berkeliaran di pinggir jalan.. Eh beneran monyet loo.. :D. Till night there's nothing special to tell, except that we share old memories.. Remembering & reflecting the first 8 wonder years as a familly... We talked & laugh.. Till we all fall asleep

THE TELE! - day two

11.25 pm, 22 sept 06
Second day...
We depart from the hostel @ 10.. Round around ke pasar bunga & buah.. Semuanya bgs2.. Bunganya jg indah2.. Kyk di puncak bgt deey.. Buahnya jg murah2.. Borong jeruk, terong belanda, & mangga mungil tp manis.. Muter bentar bwat mkn pecel! Trus ke tmn hutan rakyat bukit barisan, ktmu bnyk monyet, yg lucu, salah satu msk ke mobil sebelah & ngembat permen permen,.. Yg laen pd ikut turun dr po'on.. Rameing d ma monyet.. Didn't touch them..
Take some pic, then off we go..

Jlnnya gaq lebar tp jauuh & luruus lurus.. We stopped by to a very interesting place called taman wisata iman. Disitu ada replika & patung2 religius dr 5 agama, & since this is a christian area, you could find church everywhere.. Gkpi, hkbp mostly..di area seluas 13 ha itu ada patung2 peristiwa dr jmn abraham ke musa, trus jln salib yesus sampe disalib & bangkit.. Yg laen kecil2 :p...

From Karo to Toba
We stopped by again @ tb simatupang & l manik statue.. A good view around the forest. Take some pictures & realized that i'm fatsoo now. Need to shape up my body again hahaha...

The last stop was magnificent! its called tele hills & mountains.. You could see lake toba from a distance & pemandangan bukitnya man!! Ga nahaan!! Sayang bgt batere camnya da tepar.. Jlnnya beneran nyusur pegunungan, & jlnnya kecil bgt, blm pula bnyk batu yg jatoh dr atas pd mejeng di tengah jalan.. Wuu... Never saw such scenery in front of my eyes, biasanya cm liyad di tv.. This is not a trip, this is an ADVENTURE!! aweesoomee!

A magic wonder that God had created.
Sayang blon dibuat maksimal promosinya..pdhl amat sangat menjanjikan. The people are too traditional.. Not educated enough to see how they can promote this place. Indonesia tu kaya raya, tp most of the ctizen tu org2 miskin.. Well, sebenernya kita gaq pernah merdeka dr penjajahan.. Sigh..
what a waste of beat. Penduduknya masi tradisional bgt.. The traditional is good, but the way of thinkingnyaa itu looow.. antara sayang, sebel & kesel... sigh.. merananya negeriku

So we arrived @ samosir yg sepiii bgt jam 5.30 pm.. Di jln cm liyat rumah2 traditional & kuburan yg jauu lbi mewah dr rumah itu sendiri..

Cr hotel carolina which is good & very cheap, good view too, cm da mlm..
Satu persatu tidur.. I stay awake the last..

Wondeful scenery.. Amazing view, lots to think, a great give thanks in the end..

MEDAN'S JOURNEY - day one

21 sept 06, 13.42 WIB
gw menjejakkan kaki pertama kalinya di bandar udara polonia, medan.

kebiasaan dan pikiran bawah sadar sering membuat kita melakukan sesuatu berdasarkan pola yg udah tersimpan di otak.. Sama seperti tadi waktu gw nyampe di cengkareng.. Lngsg cek in, & setelah 5 mnt ngantri, I realized something was wrong.. I was lining on d way to batam!! Mmm.. How mind can take us that far. Selama ini klo ngantri, mikir bkl ketemu bokap nyokap tujuannya selalu ke batam sampe gw nyadar, koq flight numbernya beda yah sama flight number gw.. Sampe akhirnya gw liyad,.. God, tujuannya ke batam! Quickly I ask for the right line, & everything went well.. N well, airasia ngaret spt biasa..
POKOKNYAA GW DAH NYAMPE MEDAN! hehehe

Skrg gw lg nunggu bonyok & ko2 gw di bndara krn flight mrk jg di delay yg malah ga jls jam brp brktnya... I'm Waiting with no confirmation, sambil liatin org di sekitar yg berinteraksi penuh dinamika.

There they are.. Estimated time is 3.00 PM
Thank god there's technology called PDA so i can write & browse. But i'm starving to death, soo hungry :D
We rent a car with the driver, a relative from a relative.. So, our trip will be accompanied by a green krista.

Brastagi!
It is our first destination, directly from medan.. We stopped by only to buy bika ambon. There's this road filled with bika ambon store, all d way..

On route, we stopped by several times. First, is to buy Grilled PORK! lapo medan coy! It's delicious & cheap! Yosi took some pictures of the maids there which r very happy with it! Buungkuuuss!!

Second stop is to buy star fruit & jambu.. Again, it was very cheap & we had a chat with a small kids who sell the fruits..

Third, Durian time!! We only bought 3 durians & it was enough, coz certainly it was not gonna be the last time we eat durian here.. Hehehe..

Fourth, i'm really tired, mom bought some toasted corn. Can't hardly eat anymore... didn't finish it as well.

@ 7 we arrived @ brastagi, ato berastagi... Tmpnya kyk puncak abees bow, ato cipanas laa..dingiin, berkabut, Oke juga c.. Kita puter2 btr nyari tmp nginep.. Dpt yg murah meriah & bersih..
Trus trnyata qta yg ngakunya da kenyang
ttp aja ngeganyang tu piggy panggang ... Nasinya jg seabrek abrek!!

First day was impressive. Bnyk hal br yg bisa diliyad & dinikmati.. Thank God for it..we close the day with give thanks to d lord..

end of the day

i'm just sad this nite...
a good day at the start...somehow plans changed..
i should've felt better than this.. but i don't
i know it'll go away as fast as i can think of..
but anyhow i can only say thanks to the lord above..

so, thanks...

bye, good friend

today i lost a very nice friend in the office...
she was sacked (a crude way to say) because of reasons that none of them are her fault, i think... its just the condition that had to be that way...
i'm speechless... stranded by what just happen this afternoon..
no farewell.. no nothing, just a simple tear
i'm sad.. hopeless with nothing i can do....
i watch her walk by leaving steps and memories away from the office...

bye ly, very nice to know you, its been a pleasure working with you...
success for you along the way....
and thanks for being such a good friend...
i'm gonna miss you that's for sure
i believe the sun still shines with you...

Fuzzzy

Fuzzy logic discbrain on!!!
what can i say?
every people make mistakes....

neue season

its the new season at school!!...
new kids, new principal,
new atmosphere, new added team, new outfit =D
lots of challenge difinitely... new modified curriculum....
more things to be done..
for me.. besides all that enthusiasm, i really miss the kids i used to teach
in the first 2 weeks there are lots of kids asking me whether i teach them again or not..
one of them even ask permission to go to the rest room to me..
a bit sad.. like a little needle stabbed to my heart... =D

wel,
its hard to change your focus to a very new surroundings.. this new class i mean
i still hang out with them at break time or after school hour..
better then ever i might say...
we played futsal again (and u know what, other kids knew that too!), had dinner @ seafood ayu with the boyz.. hang out with them.. life group again...
ah...

have new kids to pay attention to....
and i have only one year to do so...
things will be different i guess...
better or worse,
above all i just want Your name to be glorified

would you believe me?

if i said that i loved you, but i didn't show it much..
or maybe almost never....
would you believe me?
if i said that i care about you
without showing any signs of caring....
would you believe me?
if i said that i missed you..
yet i don't know how to comunicate with you..
would you believe me?
would you still believe me if didn't do anything for you or even say anything to you?
in all that matter... with everything that i never did, which maybe i should
i just wanna say ...
'i will love you forever, no matter what i do or what you do "

to
mom and dad.....
you're not perfect, but you're a true blessing for me

translator

a first time experience as a translator
hard... ecxausting...
really...
you have to listen carefully, listen fast & think fast to translate it...
in the other hand.. you have to understand the material as well..
i maen.. i'm not just being a translator.. i'm being a participant as well...
so i need the metarial, but in the other hand i have to try to translate it...
but thank God.. it went quite well with some mistakes here and there... hehehehe
gladly over...