On the road: Train Tickets

Train tickets in europe cost me all my money, especially when your plan is flexible like me. I have to pay 115€ for a train from Warsaw-Berlin-Hannover, and its the train from Berlin to Hannover which costs me the most, although its only for 2 hours, and i didn't get any seats either! Well it was weekend so its understandable. But still, I have to spend more money for this. Have to find another way

So I left Warsawa, with a bit of my heart there. I think there are so many bits n pieces of my heart in many different places by now. Yeah, i'm a traveller. In two hours I will meet Benno, and his mum, with the rest of the gank. We will see.

On the road: Warsawa: The Demo, The Walk and The Park!

The main city, Warsawa. We started to Millie's uni to get her diploma. It was not a huge uni with a few buildings here and ther, and of course, she introduced me to the stairs which she needs to take everytime she goes to school. Then we walked a bit to the green library, and around the area a bit. I can see how beautiful it is during summer. Yep, i'm gonna come back to Europe for summer one day! We then wanted to take a bus to the park, but the city gave us its surprise: a demonstration! It was against the government who wanted to demolish the bees farm or something like that.. It was a surprise for me, coz the day before when Millie's parents told me about the demonstration, i wanted to experience myself how it feels to be there. And there we were, justbin the middle of this peaceful demostration. Millie told me that it was people from the mountain who were demonstrating. Well it seems that people everywhere are against their government in this country. Something similar to mine, i think.

So there we were. I was busy taking photos n Millie was busy telling me what's going on, as we kept on walking the streets. We wanted to take a bus to the park but because of the demo we had to walk further away. As her many wires-brain keeps mounting out its ideas, i was sometimes going into my empty box-brain, just enjoying what I'm seeing without thinking about anything. (this brain wires n boxes talk was just great). After walking for sometimes, we finally took a bus which actually doesn't stop at the place she wanted us to stop, but it turned out fine because we can enter the park from the otner side. We spent hours in this park, also visiting the palace, taking photos of whatever there is in the park. Again i can imagine how beautiful the park is during summer time. Anyway, we had fun!

It was in the afternoon that we began to starve. Her mum is cooking dinner so she said to us not to eat outside. But we're both starving so we went back to the city n ate some cakes. Great!

After that we went to a church just next to that place and stayed for some minutes of silence before we went home. Before that we stopped at a shopping centre to buy a pullover. But before we enter the building i saw a familiar sign: DECATHLON! And it was just behind the building! Millie at first was a bit hesitant but i dragged her there. A new place for her. I got what I need and we went home. She looked tired (well, she should be :9). At home it was like a big feast that her mum cooked, and it was all but good! Loved it and ate them till i can't eat anymore. It was a great day, with the sun accompanying us the whole day. I'm leaving Warsaw tomorrow, with its joy, all the laughters and happiness behind. Again I wish that I can stay longer, but this is how life works

On the road: Warsawa: And the Stars shines brightly

Stars always shines, don't they? When they are not shining it means they are covered by clouds, or just being at the other side of the world. Of course we're not talking about planets which are constantly rotating, but just stars as we see it. When there's a star, we can already see the light, whether its their own light or just a reflection of the light. But when there are two or more stars, the light glows even brighter. And thats what happened today in the evening when we went to a theatre group, -the Aphasia group- where Millie has been involved for sometmes. I shared about Indonesia and myself of course.They share themselves, and we had so much fun. Not so much coversations, but just lights, connecting each other, spreading the ray. We are the stars. and i can feel that the room is filled with bright light, just because we are all there. The lady who is in charge for the groups is magnificent. She knows what she's doing and she's commited to it. A marvelous example to follow. I wish i can do the same. But nonetheless, there we are, sharing this joy together. There's this girl, Natali, whom i fell in love all of the sudden. She was probably 8 years old and she is really close to Millie, and i can see how much she adores and love Millie. She was sitting next to her and keep smiling all the time. She's just so sweet and adorable (both of the girls probably hahaha) and I felt we're connected somehow. I can't resist her light. Maybe its true what Paulo Coelho wrote about this light. When her mum asked her to go home she refuses and want to stay. I drew her something, and she also drew me. She's just Fantastic! We're like best friends already n I huggged her so many times.

The others we're also shining n put some efforts just to be there. But hey, when you see so much light and feel this warmth, who wouldn't want to be there and be part of it? Everyone gave a bit of their light and it was awesome. Matjek played some songs and did some poems. It was awesome!! I can see he is a stage person and a performer. He will become great and many will like him. The others were just simply great... Millie and I went home with so much joy and happiness, feeling the warmth inside that beats the cold wind as we walked home. At home Millie's parents were sharing their experience protesting to the government with more than ten thousand others. They are funny, i like them. We continued our endless conversations till 2am.

On the road: Warsawa: Where We Left Off

The train that brought me to Warsawa was with compartments, and its the first time I experience this. I was the only person who took this train from Krotoszyn, and was all alone in the compartment. I had it for myself and enjoyed the whole journey till i arrived at Warsaw. I wanted to check the return ticket when i arrived but i didn't do it although i was already in the queueing line. Bad decision. Then Millie showed up and we went straight to her house at Pruszków, around 25 minutes from the city central. It is a small house which i'd never imagined or seen before. There was only 3 main rooms and its only a short straight line. You can go from one end to the other end in 15 seconds, To me its unique and interesting. Very simple but warm. I met her parents who welcomed me with their warm hearts. I felt so comfortable already. We talked and talked until 3am with much laughters... We've been good friends since Taizé and talked regularly via Skype, like once a week. But yet, Still there are many catching up to do. We started where we left off...

On the road: Krotoszyn: A Dream Come True!

All my life since i was a kid i saw western movies and how they live in mountains, villages and seasides and i always dreamt that one day i will experience that too. So i woke up really early in Poznan, 5am and we got to the bus station almost at 6. I hopped in the bus thinking nothing except meeting Ania. In the bus, surprisingly there is a wifi connection. So awesome isn't it, the need for people to get connected to the web world. And the more surprising thing was i was able to have a video call through skype with some friends! In a bus! Crazy!!

The weather was gloomy, but it can't stop my heart from shining :D, especially when i saw this girl at the bus station. Oh man, again and again this question popped out: "is this really happening? Is it not just a dream?"

She drove me to her house while keep saying "I'm not a good driver" along the way. Her house was a bit outside this small town of Krotozyn, but i fell in love from the moment i saw it. It was one of my dream house, with a really nice garden and 3 awesome dogs. As i entered the house, i was even more amazed by it, especially after Ania told me that her grand dad made most of the house on his own. Se lives with her parents, grand parents, little sister and their 3 dogs, not to mentioned the 50 chickens :D the atmosphere inside the house was really warm, and her family was also very hospitable.

We had lunch all together, just like in a traditional family. Old stlye, always the best! Of course it reminded me of my family... We had such fun n went to the city in the afternoon, got ourselves a nice place for a hot chocolate (ups! :p). We continued our talk at home with a bottle of sweet wine til past midnite. And of course, as usual, i couldn't even finish a glass of it :p. I was very sleepy, but so much love, joy and happiness inside. I really wish i can stay longer in this place coz its soo beautiful. I can imagine how even more beautiful this place is in the summer. But well, i need to keep it for next time: summer and with some friends. Definitely! At least, i had my dream come true here. Warsaw, next!

On the road: A Bright New Day

Poznan city hall

Its a perfect weather to welcome a new day. I walked around at the area, spotted an orthodox church near by. Then we went to the city, the old makrkt, and got to see this everyday noon city performance: the two goats of Poznan! Was a nice short attraction to remember the city for sure. :D. The first surprise if the day!.

the city icon

Then Kasia showed up n followed by Patty not long after. The other Kasia left n we walked, talked, and made some jokes together around the city. Shown the Cathedral, the 'important n memorable' bridge with it padlocks while we enjoyed the strong wind. Yeah, we're being welcomed in the 'island':D The Cathedral is grand and is the first in Poland, buit in 966, spreading the Good News to all Poland. Surrounded by two rivers with its own compound, it looked great. But when i saw the imaginary of the original compound, it was even more beautiful. I loved it so much. Hoping that i can be in that place around those years :D


Then i was also shown the Fara, another 'hidden' but grand Church, which is furnished elegant and exclusively amazing! Second surprise! At all those times there were Masses being commenced. All these shown how Christianity has some spark in the city. Declining, they say, but still very much alive. I was being shown a shopping centre which used to be an old factory, but they rebuild it without loosing its 'factory sense' with addition as a multipurpose area. Concerts, art, culture presentations are being held there too!

@ Maniekin with Wojtek, Kasia, Patty and Aga

We then ate in Maniekin, a fancy n cozy restaurant. The food was delicious, and Wojtek showed up! We were all really starving because it was 3pm n we still had to wait another 40 minutes for the food because the restaurant was really full. But we had a great time. Aga then showed up to add our joy. Another surprise.

Then we headed to Dominikania, a Catholic church n attended mass. Simple, but dark, and i didn't understand any word :p. Afterwards we parted n Wojtek, Aga n me continue to the café Misja, a christian cafe, professionaly managed, but gave lots of access for ministry and missions such as meetings, concerts, movies n as place to hang out itself. It was cozy, simple n warm. Another inspiring surprise! Awesome!

The end of the day was a give thanks, and a short sleep because Krotozyn awaits early tomorrow morning!

On the road: Something about a girl

Woke up early in the morning, i was excited to go to Poznan. Meeting Kasia was nothing but a great thing. I didn't know what was in my brain but it sure did gave me a huge boost, joy and excitement. Found a place with wi-fi at the HBF, sent my work, chatted with some friends and i'm off.

So finally i arrived at Poznan Glowny, and I heard a girl calling my name. What a surprise, what a great joy to see her again!! Felt like a dream. Was i really seeing this girl in front of me after just one and a half year? it was just like a dream for her too! Well i took this decision and made this dream come true for the both of us. We were happy, and shared many stories the whole day. We walked to her flat and went to buy some groceries, and cooked at her place. Some problems with the electricity made her anxious, especially because it happened several times. The whole day was about talking, and thats what we did. Today I found an answer to my question in 2010. All I can say is that these conversations and discoveries made me realize how great she is. its always a huge joy to find greatness in people. This makes life so wondeful!. I am really happy that I am here! Tomorrow i will meet Patty, another Kasia, and Wojtek from lunch time. Another day of excitement awaits!

On the road: Berlin Hauptbahnhof

I spent my while fist day at Orly, alone. In the end I managed to finish my work, happy about it. Then i flew to Berlin, hoping that in the airplane i would have met some unexpected encounters ( as always hehehe) but i didn't make the effort cause i was just too tired. Arrived at Schoenefeld airport, i took the chance to talk with Chris, a DB (DeutcheBahn) conductor or operator. Well it was him who started the conversation, but we had a bit of chat. He was a nice guy who helped me with directions. In the train I talked with a couple who lives next to Eberswalde. Nice conversations, especially when the lady keep smiling. Being at hauptbahnhoff, i waited there anxiously for 11 o'clock to come because it was my appointment time with Dennie, a guy whom I met once at St. Yakobus. Crazy, but these things worked like miracle. Still i had to wait for him. Meanwhile, I realized that It was not easy to find a place with wi-fi connection in Berlin, but i did what i have to do, bought myself a simcard. It was proven helpful, so far.


I finally decided to go to his place a quarter to 11. But he informed me after i took the train that he would only be at home around 11.45. I was so tired and exhausted. lack of sleep for sure. So i walked around, being cold, and waited him for another hour until finally he showed up. We talked a bit before we sleep. He knows Zefry apparently. Cool. What a small world. I was glad to know him a bit better, another nice people on the road. I knew from then on that my anxious time was over. Now the happy time awaits.:-)

On the Road: First Step

I'm back in Europe now....

I started my journey a year ago, in May 2011 exactly when i decided to book a ticket to Europe again. And i began my step yesterday from terminal 3 Suta at 6pm Indonesian time. First time flying with airasia in long distance made me anxious and wonder how is it gonna be like.. But i survived. It was my first (and last) flight with air asia X to Europe! Hehehe

So here I am stranded in McDonalds Orly, Paris, accompanied by a cup of hot cappucino, alone...
Well, i'm here because the damn plug downstairs wont charge my phone, somehow... So i have to go up here which has unlimited wifi time hehehe Btw here in this McD they use iPad for their customers to enjoy the wEb. Pretty cool eh?

Anyway'....
The weather is really  now. When i was in the plane it was really awesome! The sun rose a bit me, and BELOW me! How many times can experience tnat? Hehehe and afterwards i saw snow eveywhere covering some east european countries (probably cech and slovak) which i passed by... Not long afterwards the snow dissapeared and changed by seas, or i should say, oceans of clouds. It was really really awesome n cool!!

Now i'm waiting for my flight to Berlin ntar sore which means i will have a whole day here in this damn small airport hehehe.... Feeling like in the terminal movie .... Hihihi'... When i arrived they say the weather is 1' degrees, but till now i'm just using one pullover and thats all.. Nothing more and i feel quite warm anyway. Maybe its 12' degress C now. Outside is really shiny and bright. Perfect!

ROXETTE!

Was in their concert in Jakarta two weeks ago! Man, this is a high school deeam came true! I am a HUGE fans of them since high school, missed their concert back then because i just had hepatities, but now I managed to be there and experience it by my self, and it was AWESOME!!

Marie was not young and as powerful as before, especially after fighting against her tumor in 2002.. But they looked great, and they just released their new album again: travelling! After last year they also launched an album: charm school

The concert was in Mata Elang International Stadium, Ancol. It is a new building and it was the first time this building is being used for a concert. Not so good i have to say, but well, outward appearance is always behind the content.

I was jumping and singing along for all the songs except for one: She's got nothing on which was in their charm school album. The audience was not energetic as I expected. Most of them was probably singing along, but with their hands caught up with their cellphones making videos, for sure there were no 'hand wave' in the air. But nonetheless, it was an amazing evening. The evening exploded with their energetic songs like "how do you do?" The way they enter the stage with "dressed for success" was also amazing! It electrified people to shout and jump and move when the song followed by "sleeping in my car" and "the Big L"! The night is so pretty and so young!

Here is the song list:
01. Dressed For Success
02. Sleeping In My Car
03. The Big L
04. Wish I Could Fly
05. Stars
06. She’s Got Nothing On (But The Radio)
07. Perfect Day
08. Things Will Never Be The Same
09. It Must Have Been Love
10. 7twenty7
11. Fading Like A Flower
12. Crash!Boom!Bang!
13. How Do You Do!
14. Dangerous
                                                            Band Presentation
                                                         15. Joyride (introduced with “Nona                                                                  Manis Siapa Yang Punya”)

                                                         16. Spending My Time
                                                         17. The Look
                                                         18. Listen To Your Heart

Bright New Day

Its again, about farewell....

new move, new pilgrimage, new adventure!

its been a year since I came back from my pilgrimage, and there were up and downs along with it. Being back in my country, at my organizations, coupled with two other ministries... it's kinda not new, but new. Not new because mostly I deal with the same situations, same circumstances, same type of ministries, same work more or less.. but its also new because I met new people and new methods. But most significance was because I have a new life, or a new me. Some people saw it, some don't. Sometimes I realized it, sometimes don't.

After a year, now I quit my job, realizing that it is tough to reach my dream if I stay. The others, one will surely end very soon, and the other one will have to wait, as I decided to embark a new pilgrimage which can make me move to a new place, even different city perhaps. Where will I go, I will learn to surrender and see where this road will take me...

But life isn't just following roads. There are many crossroads which needs what called decision to take. And so here I am, discerning, waiting, and thinking about which decision to take for my future. Yes there are always options, (thank God for that :D) but to choose the right one is not easy. To walk these lines is part of the pilgrimage of life.

In a pilgrimage of life it is really important to learn to put trust and faith. In God, in oneself, and in others. As Abraham walked in the wilderness, as Moses did, faith, although as small as a mustard seed is required to survive this pilgrimage, in fact, it's the most important requirements. Facing these uncertainties one can be confused and discouraged, but it is also where faith bloom, and character build. Its about taking risks, and following your heart.


So here I am, being bold and different than the old me. Taking risks, 'burning my boat' to start a new pilgrimage, to set out a new adventure which awaits me this year. Where will I be? I don't know. What I know is that I will go to Europe to continue this pilgrimage of trust on earth, and come back to my country after a month. What will I do? I have some ideas, but not fixed yet!

I've predicted this before. Now is time to walk the talk.

a moment that changed everything

will update later....

giving up or moving on?

am I giving up? or am I moving on? if I gave up, what did I gave up to? and if I'm moving on, where? .. At the moment I have no clue.. I just know I had to do something, and I did, and as far as I can see, I'm made the RIGHT decision.

ground

You’re right. You’ve been right all along. I’m just no one, at least not grounded in anything. I was not and still not until this moment. And maybe its late for me to realize this (well I’m always late in my life) but late is better than never, right? At the moment I really need some time to look and see the future ahead of me. Doing what I’m doing at the moment is nice, but at some point I think I’m gonna be stuck if don’t make any changes soon. I realized that I wanna do more important things than what I’m doing now, something that made a better impact in peoples lives. It doesn’t mean that what I’m doing at the moment is not important, but lets just say that this is not what I wanna do for the rest of my life. And yea, I wanna be grounded, something which unfortunately will not make me jump from one place to another as I have been so far. But its time to put myself to the ground. 

teacher

One of my passions is teaching. I like to talk. and I plan to use my gifts in ways that it can be blessings for others. But I never had any formal pedagogical education before. I just use these natural gifts backed by experience. Interestingly enough, I've been teaching for 7 years in total, in trainings through sessions, in class as a teacher, and in many other ways possible. Now I know that I can’t live it without it. I guess it’s in my blood and it runs in the family too. My dad, my mom and my only brother, we all know how to talk :p I guess it’s more towards sharing this life of mine, my perspectives and my experiences which really matters most. The question is now, should I pursue a formal pedagogical education in order to be able to share with more people? Will I ever be a formal teacher? 

Blessing in disguise

His Name is Sabar, or patience in English.

He owns a small repair shop, and I met him because I had a flat tire, no cash in my wallet, and almost no gasoline in my bike. perfect isn't it? just as the usual me. But somehow I still felt calm. I looked around a bit at his place, so clean and tidy. Not even a single trash around that place.This is weird, never saw this before in such an area. More weird when we started to talk. He mentioned about Pascal and Boyle when we're talking about my flat tire. really cool and awesome!! never met a guy like this before.

As he finishes his job, I noticed that he was limping. Then my eyes stumbled to a crutch next to a tire inside his small repair shop. I started another conversation about his life where he started sharing about his, a bit.. about what had happened to him five years ago that he barely can walk anymore because of a nerve constringency on his thigh. It has been operated sometimes this year, but he had a swollen knee then, huge one, even bigger than his thigh he said, until 5 weeks ago it has became smaller and smaller till now. "Its because of the sun", he told me. "It help to reduce the swollen" I can still see his knee a bit big though..

Then I asked him about his family and kids.. their school and stuff. He has 2 children, 7 and 12 years old. I gave him my name card before I left, and just before that, he asked me, are you a Christian? and I answered him, "yes.. how do you know?" He replied " by the pendant that you're wearing" It is the Taize pendant... I smiled.. I told him it looks more like a bird, but he insisted "Its still a cross to me"...

I left that small tiny place with a big smile on my face..
he's my blessing in disguise today.

  

Today

today is really weird.. having so many things to do, i don't know where to start. Received a letter from Sarah, (finally it arrived) and a postcard from this awesome Polish people... but nonetheless somethings bothers me... or as it always been, at least this year.... I just hope I can channel my mind into something more focused idea and thoughts. I need this.. I really need this... but at least I'm writing again...  

What’s the secret behind such a huge success?

The only honest response is: I don’t know.

All I know is that we all need to be aware of our personal calling.  What is personal calling? It’s God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on earth.  Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend.  However, we don’t all have the courage to comfort our own dream.

Why?

There are four obstacles. 

First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible.

We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt.  There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible.  But it’s still there.

If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love.  We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.  We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path.  We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: “Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.” We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling id no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey.  Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen.  When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times. 

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats – and we always do – we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence.  In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life.  Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight.  We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure.  Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.

Oscar Wilde said: “Each man kills the thing he loves.” And it’s true. 

The more possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt.  We look around at all those who have failed to get what we want and feel what we do not deserve to get what we want either.  We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far.  I have knows a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal – when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it; renouncing joy and conquest.  But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

Paulo Coelho

introduction to The Alchemist

Rio de Janeiro

November 2002

Dream, again...

Nothing is as real as a dream.
The world can change around you, but your dream will not.
Responsibilities need not erase it.
Duties need not obscure it.

Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away.
You need to live up to your dream.